Note: When you first meet new people, their initial impression of you will be based 55% on your appearance and body-language, 38% on your style of speaking and only 7% on what you actually say. So don't worry to much about what you say, it's probably not going to make to much of a difference!
It's All Down To Preparation
If you're someone who worries about what to say, then you need to work out what to say before you go up there to say it. You wouldn't make a speech to a room full of significant people without coming up with something to talk about, so why should it be any different with someone that you'd like to get to know better?!
The best way to get someone talking is to ask them questions. But as you probably know, thinking up of questions on the spot can be difficult; go on, try and come up with 10 questions in the next minute - not easy is it? The quickest way to come up with questions is to think of subjects, then think of anything which stems off that. An example of questions I came up with - broke down by subject - can be found at the end of the article!
Whilst preparing, take a couple seconds to use a confidence building exercise - confidence is something that most people easily pick up on and it makes an incredible difference. For some easy and fast confidence building exercises, check out my earlier post on confidence (Link).
Don't Try To Be Funny
People always say that they look for a partner that's funny, and 99% of people let this worry them because they don't feel they're even slightly funny. The thing is that there are very few people in the world who are just funny without an effort; the best example of this is to think about your days at school, in your class of 30 there was probably only 1 or 2 people that were funny, everyone else was just normal - and there's nothing wrong with that. Most people normally don't want someone that's constantly funny, they just become annoying and can't be taken seriously. What they want is someone that is funny every now and again, without meaning to be.
You're probably asking yourself how you can be that person, and it's simple how you can... don't try! Chat up lines are not funny and taking the piss in front of someone you just met will make you seem arrogant. Most people are funny when they tell stories about their lives without meaning for it to be funny and without purposely trying to tell the story to get a laugh. The trick is to just have a normal conversation, eventually you will just end up telling a story without meaning to, and they will be in hysterics. Simple!
Ask Open Questions
You want to get them talking... you don't want to be quizzing them with yes or no questions. So try and ask questions which will open up the conversation as much as possible; for example, have you been sky diving yet would be a fairly closed question, whereas asking if they've done much would be a very open question (these are examples of questions you would probably say on holiday). So before you ask something, take a couple moments to assess whether the question will keep much conversation going, or whether it will make an awkward silence!
What To Do If They're Not Responding Well
Sometimes you will meet someone who does not respond well. Do not instantly dismiss them as someone who is not interested in you, chances are they are just feeling even more uncomfortable that you and cannot think of anything to say - which will be similar to how you are feeling.
The best thing to do is to take control of the situation and turn it round so you are doing the talking. For example, if you asked whether they have been sky diving and they responded with a 'no', then before a silence can develop you should say something like 'I would love to go, my friends tell me it is great fun... blah blah blah'. Just try an get rid of the silence, because a lack of flirting is the best thing at killing a flirting session.
Example Questions
On Holiday
- The beaches here are awesome, which one do you hang out at?
- When did you get here?
- First time on holiday here?
- Have you been shopping here yet? - If they answer yes then it will open up a whole load of new questions such as: "which shops did you go to?", "what did you buy?", "what do you think of this bracelet I brought?"
- What type of music you into?
- Who's your favourite artist/band?
- Seen anyone live? - this can open up lots of questions about the gig.
- What do you think of Chinese (or other food type) food?
- Can you cook? - If they say yes then you can cheekily ask if they want to cook you something (but only if there's some kind of flirting happening).
- Where do you work?
- What do you do?
- Wow that must be hard, but probably worth it in the end! - not exactly a question but it will certainly lead them on to say something.
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