It's All About Confidence

I've spent a long time toying with the idea of what my first post should cover. Maybe I should write about something that is little known? Maybe something that people already do well and understand? Maybe presenting a post on many aspects of flirting?

But lets face it, if there's one thing that covers the whole of flirting, it is the art of confidence. Have too much of it and you will come across as arrogant, which in turn will repel people; but have too little and you will come across as shy, having difficulty in forming the foundation of any relationship.

The trick is finding a balance. What is the most effective balance, you ask? Well, it is where you have slightly more confidence then those around you without crossing the boundary into arrogance.

There's a couple tricks to increasing your confidence
Firstly, whenever you enter a room where you would like to act more confidence, picture yourself expanding like a balloon, taking up all the space and being the centre of everything, if anyone wants to get somewhere they will have to go around you, if anyone wants to talk they will have to speak across you and if someone would like to talk to you, they will have to look up and raise their voice to be heard. Upon completing this technique, you should feel your body language change, your shoulders you fall slightly backwards, you will no longer be looking at the floor but instead have a raised head, and your breaths will be a lot deeper; but you will not be the only person to pick up on these changes... those around you will find you a lot more dominating and you will be treated as a more powerful person (power is a good thing, our basic instincts cause us to look for a powerful mate, so by appearing more powerful you are more likely to flirt successfully).

Secondly is a method that you can use every day and will be reinforced in your mind every time you do it. Take a seat and close your eyes, picture an event where you wished you had been a lot more confident - it could have been at a party where you didn't know anyone or a disco where you never got up and danced. Now imagine all the things that could have gone wrong - at the party someone could have ignored you when you tried talking to them, or at the disco someone could have told you to go away when you tried dancing with them. Think about how insignificant those rejections are... who cares that they said those things, you'll probably never see those people again, or alternatively they won't remember the incident next time you meet them. Now think about everything that could have gone right if you had been confident - it might have been, everyone wanting to talk to you at the party or getting to dance with someone amazing at the disco. The important thing is to now realise that the benefits far outweigh what could have gone wrong. If you keep reinforcing this in your mind, next time you want to be confident you will remember that the benefits outweigh the potential negatives and you will have the ability to be more confident.

How to tone down confidence
If you're someone that has too much confidence then you will know it; if you're unsure about whether you have too much then you probably don't, but you can always ask some close friends to make sure.

If you do, it wouldn't be a bad thing to show a bit less of it so people won't think you're cocky. Confidence leads you to be far more proud of your achievements, and this can often cloud a conversation with 'me' talk. A simple trick to learning how much 'me' talk to include in a conversation is to talk with someone without mentioning yourself once, but to pay attention to what they tell you about themselves; what you'll realise is that most of what they say is not interesting - and whenever you talk to someone, they will equally think the same of what you say... so whenever you start talking, just remember that talking about yourself will bore them, just like it is does when they talk about themselves. Using this technique should allow you to talk at a level which is much less about yourself, showing a non-arrogant amount of confidence, and making you far more approachable.

How confidence affects behaviour
Your confidence is reflected in everything you do. Whether it is the tone of your voice, where you place your hands or what facial expressions you make. Being confident will do nothing except help you in all aspects of life.

As a general rule of thumb, a confident person will attempt to take up more space that an unconfident person. For example, when sat down an unconfident person will normally hold their hands and place their shoulders forward and close together; a confident person will generally be sat back with their shoulders apart and their hands not touching.

You can probably tell a shy person apart from an outgoing person just by looking at them. Make sure you're the outgoing one, because all you have to do is believe you're a confident and you will be.